Day 42

**Brace yourself, this is gonna be a long one**
I woke up today determined we were going to church since we haven't been in awhile. Of course I was so happy once we were there. It just felt right. We talked about having passion for Jesus, the same passion we have in our lives for things we truly love. Our pastor ended his sermon with challenging us to share how Jesus has changed our lives. I thought what better place to share that then on here. I know at least a few people read this, so I hope that our story can be one of the power of what Jesus can do in our lives. I took pictures tonight of Anthonne's baby album to show you our "beginnings". The quality is horrible, sorry, but you will be able to see where we came from, and where we are going...




I met him at a Hispanic heritage festival, I was so young and he was so cute. I had already talked to his friend so I was hesitant to talk to him, but there was just something about him that drew me to him. We became friends and before I knew it my first true teenage puppy love was happening. Lamont was my world, my love, my passion. I dreamt of us getting married one day, I doodled my name with his last, I never thought we were doing anything wrong. Then on November 18, 1994 I found out I was pregnant and all that was simple and easy in my life was gone. Now I held a secret within that I knew could tear my family apart, would change my life forever and I didn't know how to handle that. So I hid it, I hid for almost 5 months. But Jesus was there from the beginning, i just didn't know it. My grandmother had instilled my faith in Jesus, she taught me to love him, showed me his love through her but I was afraid I had disappointed him. My secret came out and I saw how deeply I hurt all who was around me. I saw my mother cry like she had never cried before, I saw the pain in my father's eyes and the whole time I was too young to really know what I had done. How could I know that not only had I changed my life, but I changed the life of a baby that didn't deserve to be born to such a young, immature mother.
Lamont was scared, he too was young and didn't know how to handle such news. He wasn't the person he is today, he just wanted out of the responsibilities. I don't tell you this to talk ill of him, he is a wonderful man now, but I share this so you can see how far he has come. I was left with the burden of having to tell my parents, having to walk around as the pregnant teenager feeling like I had shamed my family and myself. I was angry at him, so angry that I was alone in dealing with this. When i was 6 months pregnant he left to go to another duty station, and with the help of my parents I delivered Anthonne on July 20, 1995.





Around this time was probably the lowest points in my life. I had just given birth to the most beautiful, perfect baby and his father wasn't there to share that with me. I remember looking at Anthonne and seeing Lamont in him, so much that I just wanted him to go back in until he came out more like me. It pained me to think about my son growing up without a father, for him to always wonder why his daddy wasn't there. Lamont and I fought over everything from money, to what i thought his role of a father should be, and I just prepared myself to be a single mother. That is what I was for awhile. I started college 6 weeks after Anthonne was born, and settled on the fact that I would have to take care of him with the help of my parents. It was hard, I gained so much weight, I was depressed and all I could think about is how I had ruined my son's life. My anger for Lamont rose and rose everyday, the resentment was thick and as the days went by all I thought about was cutting him out of my life completely. But I held on, I held on for Anthonne and I held on because I knew deep in my heart I had loved him still. I prayed for my situation often, my grandmother prayed and I know Jesus was listening and was guiding us through all of it. I know he gave me just the right amount of pain to drive me to become a better person. I know that he wanted me to go through this so that I would appreciate what I have today. I remember just crying in bed at night, from both exhaustion and sadness because I thought my life was over. Then as time went on Lamont and I slowly started healing. We talked more, he seemed to show interest in his son more. Then in February of 96, Lamont called me up out of the blue and told me he was on his way to my house to see us. He hadn't met Anthonne at this point, and I was jumping out of my skin with excitement and fear. I didn't want us to be hurt again, I didn't want him to see Anthonne and then leave again for us to be back at square one. But Jesus had other plans, he put it on his heart to see his son and when he first laid eyes on him it was over! We moved on from that point, never to look back. Lamont decided from that day on he would be the kind of father that he always wanted growing up. He would be the kind of father to make his children proud, and that is what he has done. Jesus took two scared, young parents-to-be and brought us through it to bless us with a wonderful family and a strong marriage. Thirteen years is what we just celebrated this year, and I can say I love him more today then I did when I first fell for him. I never could imagine that I would still be with the man that broke my heart so many years ago, that puppy love could one day turn into a love that has been able to withstand so much and still never waver. That is what God has done in our lives and that is why I put my faith in him. It gets tested daily, but when I stay true to my faith I am never disappointed.


From where we were...



to where we are now....