Day 191

Well the time i've prayed for has come! Lamont called me the other night to tell me that he was coming home, and for good! Basically he's had some medical problems, ones that will hopefully be fixed once home, and they have said enough is enough and he needs to come home. God works things out that we just can't understand. I've prayed and wished for something like this to happen, and now it's here. Now I can feel normal and whole again. I'm still in shock and I know that it won't feel real until i'm picking him up from the airport, but he is due to leave tomorrow! He will have to go to Kuwait first, but then he will be home. Thank you so much for everyone who has stayed with me during this time, it has meant so much to have people all over the world reading this and praying for us. God obviously answers prayers!

Day 182

Today is our daughter's 11th birthday and it's such a bittersweet time. I'm so proud of the young lady that she is becoming and sad to see her growing so fast. Also sad to see how much she missed her daddy today. He called her right before she went to school and she cried. It was so sweet, she was happy but just wished he was home. So do I baby! I wanted to see if this would work. I made her a slideshow to show her friends today. She cried and I cried, and our neighbors cried, it was just an emotional night. So i'm trying to post it on here so I share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy!

Day 169

So 2 weeks have flown by and i'm soo slacking! Alot has happend and we have all stayed busy. The kids are finally getting back on track with school. Mayson and Aly were having a little trouble but now all is good. Bella is loving her preschool. She recently went on a field trip to the pumpkin farm. We had a great time and I really enjoyed watching her with her playmates. Recently Malisa, our niece, was transfered to San Diego. It was a very sad time and was very difficult for the kids. We have been lucky to have her around us for 4 years and the kids, especially Aly, have really bonded with her. There were lots of tears and lots of broken hearts but we know it's what she has to do for her career. Before she left she spent a day and night with the kids, taking them to the aquarium, to movies and dinner. They loved it and i even got a few pictures out of it. So enjoy all of these pictures, i know it's been some time. And for my honey, you are always in our thoughts, we miss you terribly and can't wait for this horrible experience to be over!

Day 154

I thought i would try something different with this post. I want to have a happy post, something positive for not only me but especially for Lamont. So i'll tell you about how we met, 15 years ago. It was this month 15 years ago that my best friend and I decided to go to the Ingleside base to celebrate Hispanic Heritage month. The base was having a big festival with tours of the Navy ships. Lamont had just joined the Navy and wasn't working that day, so he slept in his rack all day. My bestfriend and I thought we were too cute, and before we knew it we were taking tour after tour of his ship. I met his friend Andre first. He looked just like Tupac and I was soo in love with Tupac back then that it instantly drew me in. So we flirted and exchanged phone numbers. Before we knew it the festival was coming to an end and everyone was leaving the boat. So my friend and I stayed on the pier for a little while talking to Andre. I remember at one point looking up to see this cinnamon skinned, beautiful smiled man just staring at me. I thought he was so fine, but I felt bad looking at him because I was talking to Andre. Well I said my goodbyes and as i walked away this guy started to follow. I would turn around every so often and there he was just smiling. So at one point my friend and I stopped and just hung out and talked, he stopped too by some pay phones and called some girl...lol. Well we decided to go find my friend's parents and started to walk away when we hear a...psst...hey girl's come here. My friend got so excited cause she thought it was her turn to talk to a guy. So we walked over and there he was hanging off the phone smiling at us and just being flirtatious. I thought he was so cute, but I had just given his friend my # and I just couldn't be known as those kind of girls...lol. So he flirted with my friend and kept looking over at me, as I proceeded to call my dad and get chewed out about not checking in with him. After talking for awhile we decided we better find her parents before getting in trouble so we left and I really thought it would be the last time i would see him.
Well Lamont has always been the kind of guy that when he wants something he stops at nothing until he gets it, so he decided he would find a way to get my phone number. He told Andre that he wanted my number so he could ask me for my friend's number and before I knew it he was calling me like every weekend. At first it was just a quick hello then it turned into us talking for awhile, mind you he never asked me for my friend's number. I have to say that I fell for Lamont quickly. I was young and it was definitely puppy love, but it was my first love. A year later when I found out I was pregnant, it was that love that made me decide to keep my baby. It was the hardest decision, but I know now it was the most wonderful decision of my life. It's been a struggle over the years to keep a young marriage together. But we have and now we are going through more struggles and I think for the first time ever we both feel defeated. But I'm telling you love this is the time when we both have to remember what we have overcomed. We have to remember the first time we saw eachother and how much we both wanted to be with eachother. We can make it through this, but we both have to be willing to get over this hurdle like we've done for years. We can't give up the last 15 years...

Day 148

The days seem to fly by lately. While that is good on one end, I feel like i've disconnected from alot of people who mean alot to me. Lately I really feel like i'm not attatched to myself anymore. I work, take care of the kids, take care of the house and try to sleep as much as I can. I miss so many of you and I'm so sorry if anyone has felt that I have pushed them aside. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer but the same sad, depressed me. It makes me really want to just hide away at home and wait for my old self to come back. For those of you who are reading this and feeling that this is for you, it is. It is my way of trying to apologize and hopefully get you to understand that I really don't want to lose any of you as friends. And most importantly to my husband who has also felt this way. I say alot that i'm just trying to get through this and I know that i'm not doing a good job at it alot of the times. I'm so sorry. I truly am. I am praying for strength and for help with my feelings. At times I feel depressed but almost like a functional depression. I don't feel sad all of the time, but I do feel tired, unmotivated and just have lost the desire for things that used to bring me so much happiness. I truly hope I have made sense to those who this is meant for. I love all of my friends who have been there for me, and I love my husband so much. I just wish I knew how to get through this and remain the same Lissa. Thank you so much for always standing by me and for your prayers. I have felt them and I appreciate them so much. Now for something that has brought me alot of happiness, my babies. This is a picture my neighbor took of Bella and it's just too cute for words.

Day 143

Well once again, a big break inbetween posts but life has been hectic as usual. The kids are happy in school, Bella is loving preschool and i'm happy with the break i get in the day. Business has been good. It's still such a double edged sword because on one hand it brings us extra income and i love doing it, but on the other it's so hard to find the time for anything extra. I'm very behind on editing and always behind on sleep, but that is the norm. On an upside we are doing pretty good. Lamont and I are doing alot better and he seems to be happier. The kids are doing pretty good handling everything. Bella is still crying for her daddy though, and that is pretty tough. She wakes up every morning telling me she misses him. She'll say little things here and there that are so unexpected that I can't help but to tear up. But all in all they are doing great and I'm very proud of them.
On another good note I had an awesome opportunity last night that came about from my work. I have recently been signed to be the exclusive photographer for the Miss 757 contest here in Hampton Roads and I got a text from one of the owners saying we were all invited to a local radio station to meet Robin Thicke. It was a great experience and even better that only 30 or so people were there. So we all got to personally meet him and speak to him and of course take pictures. He also gave us all a signed picture, so it was a fun night. Here is one of the pictures I was able to get. I hope to one day be a personal photographer to people like him...ahhh dreams...

Day 131

There isn't much to say today except to ask for prayers right now. Lamont is doing okay but there is just alot of stuff going on within our family that really is becoming harder and harder to deal with. I wish I had happier posts to blog about lately but that is not the case. Just please keep our family in your prayers. I took some pictures for Lamont today and i'll post them in a few days, but I want to share this song. It is truly how I feel right now...

Day 130

Last week I heard a song that made me instantly think of Lamont and I just had to share it with him. I have to say that lately life has become increasingly hard. It's harder to find happiness in the simple things. I don't know if that's a result of something i've done or if i'm just being difficult but I am just having a hard time. I heard this song and it just broke me down. The song is called When it hurts, basically learning to love eachother through the pain. That is a difficult task. Just like faith in God, when things are good your love soars, and then through the tests and the pain you have to fight harder for that love. Then there are times when you are just done with the fighting, when you just don't want to fight so hard for happiness. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, i'm extrememly blessed with them and my career. But I am still feeling a loss everyday. I miss Lamont so much and I just miss feeling like a wife. I hate the hole that his absence leaves me with. Everyday when you are faced with always having to do things on your own, you just get a tough skin to get through it and over time it's hard to shed that. I don't want to distance myself from him, but sometimes it's the only way I know how to so that i don't feel the constant pain of missing him. This may all sound redundant, I know i've talked about it alot before. I'm just going through it right now and needed to vent. Thanks for listening....


Here is the song....it helps sometimes to listen to it and look at pictures of Lamont and remembering why I love him, why i'm sticking this out. I love him through all of this, and i know when he comes home the peices will fall back into place..

Day 129

Today was Bella's first day of preschool and she couldn't have been cuter! She was so excited and so happy to finally go to school. It was a nice break to be able to run errands by myself and know that she was happy. Here is my last baby on her way to her first school.... :-(

Day 128

Today is the day....woo hooo!! The kids are off at school and there is finally peace and quiet over the Littles household. I missed them as they were getting on the bus, but when i got home and realized that there is only 1 left and not 4, well then things got a little brighter...lol. I love my babies like no other, but we all need a break and mine has been a long time coming!!
The kids woke me up at 6:30 this morning all excited and I made them a big breakfast of cinnamon rolls, eggs and bacon. Then we got all their stuff together, dressed, hair done, teeth brushed and we were out the door! Aly and Mayson were so happy to ride the bus this morning, since they went all last year with me driving them and picking them up from school. I can't get over how big my daughter is getting. I mean I look at the picture of her and her brother who is only 4 years younger and she towers over him. Then there is that little figure she's getting...just makes you want to hide her in a closet somewhere!! Anthonne as usual was very adamant that I only take a few pictures, and of course even just taking a couple embarrased him to no end. But I told him daddy wanted to see this day and that was the only reason he agreed to it...lol. So here they are, packed and ready to start a new school year!

Day 119

Well I have decided that I will try my hardest to post everyday but if I don't I will stop beating myself up over it. I have tried my hardest to keep this going and between the sheer exhaustion and overwhelming list of things to do I just decided to update it as often as I can.
I can't believe the kids will be back in school by next week! They are ready, I am ready and honestly I just can't afford for them to be home any longer!! They have eaten me out of house and home this summer and I just can't keep the refrigerated stocked enough! Of course I will miss sleeping in, late night movies, the beach, the pool, and of course no homework!! But all good things must come to an end and good will come from this. I will have less fights to break up, more food in the house, more time to work on my pictures and just a piece of my sanity back!! But on another good note...just look at how cute they are when they are being sweet to eachother....

Day 115

Well first of all I would like to apologize to everyone for the HUGE delay in my blog. About 2 weeks ago I became flooded with clients and jobs and I found myself so busy, so sleep deprived that I didn't know what to do. I accepted these jobs because let's face it, I have 4 kids to buy school clothes and 3 to buy supplies for. We all know that is not cheap. But the downside to this is that I have fell behind on alot of things, especially my blog. I love doing this, and I love all of you who read it. It means alot that you are going through this with me. So now for the updating...

The kids and I have been enjoying our summer, although I am now ready for them to go back to school..lol. They are really starting to pick on eachother over every little thing and it's starting to wear on my nerves.

Lamont is doing okay. We've had some scary times lately. Alot of it has been on the news and alot of it has left me feeling just feeling numb. I know i have to put it in God's hands, but it's so hard sometimes knowing where he is. This has caused so much stress on him that I can see it changing him to an extent. I just want my family back, it's a constant wish I have. I know this won't be forever, but it doesn't make it any easier in the present.

I want to apologize again for letting almost 3 weeks go by without an update. Some days I just don't know how to organize it all. There always seems to be something going on and although I love being busy, I hate the chaos it brings. Some would say to slow down and not do as much, but with 4 kids that just isn't always realistic. So enough of my babble...here are some recent pictures of the kids and I.

I hope these bring you some bit of happiness babe....I love you and just want you to be happy.

Day 98

I haven't talked to Lamont in 2 days...yea i've gotten spoiled hearing from him everyday. It was a very busy weekend, like most are, and this one ended with me working. I had a shoot that turned out really good and hopefully will lead to more opportunites, and of course more jobs! I have school clothes and supplies to buy for 3 this year...almost 4 counting a few things for Bella's preschool. I took a pic of myself waiting on my client. It was sooo hot today and we didn't even start his shoot until after 6! I'm loving it though because before I know it the cold will be back, and the days of lounging in the warm sun will be gone...

Day 97

Anthonne's sleepover went well. He had a great time and the boys were soo great. I didn't even realize I had 6 kids in the house. Today we went to the kids basketball game and they had their team pictures. The game was a good one and both Anthonne and Aly played their hearts out! I was so proud of them. They start one on one lessons next week and then on the 18th they will start basketball camp. I'm hoping this will be something they continue to love.
When we got home I took Aly to do some school shopping. We bought clothes, shoes a new backpack and lunchbox for both her and Bella. Bella will be attending preschool...woo hoo...lol. We got home and put them away, then I started the laundry while Mayson and Bella helped. We were talking about what they want to be when they grow up and Mayson proudly exclaimed....A nurse, a doctor and a SUPERHERO...cause I have strong muscles!! Ahh the joys of boys!


*our superhero stuggling with daddy's equiptment and missing a few teeth*

Day 96

Today we had Anthonne's birthday sleepover. He invited two of his friends and honestly I haven't seen much of them all night! We had pizza, cake and then off they went. They've played video games and watched movies. This is what happens as your child gets older, it's less about you and more about their friends and social life. I do miss him being a little boy though, I miss his cute little squeaky voice and big brown eyes. No matter how old he gets, that is how i'll always remember him.

We went to the neighbors house and sang Happy Birthday to Anthonne and Rhamanique (neighbor's daughter).

Day 95

I took the kids back to the pool today, this time with all of the neighbors. We were having a good time until a storm came and rained all over us. We walked home barely being able to see in front of us, but hey we were already wet so no big deal!

Lamont asked to see my new set up for my studio. Back in January I had to give up my studio space so it was time to get creative. I set this up in the garage and as I perfect it I will go back and take a better picture, but here it is babe. And it works great...example #1. This is the brand new baby of one of lamont's old coworkers and good friend. He was born 6 weeks prematurly, but is healthy and absolutely beauitful. So here is Munn's new baby, Jamiere Antonio Munn.

Day 94

Today the kids and I went to the new housing pool. Now that we are privatized we pay rent to Lincoln military housing and they have used that extra money to start building new gorgeous housing and great amenities. One of those being the new pool. It was nice to be able to walk across the street and into a nice big pool that the kids and I loved. And to top it off they have adult swim!!! So i was able to get some laps in, Mayson and Bella swam in the kiddie pool and Anthonne and Aly found their friends there and swam with them. It was a good day!

Day 93

Tuesday was spent with me sitting in front of the computer desperately trying to finish editing pictures. I was able to accomplish alot, including a sore behind...but I did get to work and for the most part the kids stayed out of my hair!!

Here is a pic of me and my Aly....it took 4 goofy pics to get her to do a regular cute smile. She's definitely my goof ball...

Day 92

On Monday I tried to take time to just work on pictures, but I wanted to get the kids out of the house for awhile. So we went to the pool at the Y and had a great time. We stayed way later then I thought we would, but when I got home I was able to get a little work done. That night I taught Anthonne how to make our turkey meatballs. He loved it and they turned out really good.

Day 91

Sunday the kids and I went to church and I finally had an emotional release that i've needed for a long time. I just stood at the altar and sobbed, sobbed so hard it actually felt good. It felt good to let go of all that pain, disappointment, anger and guilt. It felt good to have someone tell me that I am doing a good job and that when I doubt myself that is the devil feeding off of my insecurities. I know I need more confidence in what I do, and I know the one place to find it and that is through God. The rest of the day was draining, but good. I ended it with attending an amazing fashion show. I loved every second of it and was able to make great contacts!

Here are a few pictures at the Galaxy Vintage show hosted by Quincy Brown..

Day 90

We have hit our 3 month mark!! Like I have said before I will take my little joys here and there! Only about 10 more to go...lol. The kids had their basketball game on Saturday and it was a very exciting game. Anthonne and Aly are doing really good, and soon they will be starting private basketball lessons to strengthen their skills.

Sorry for the crappy pics, but it is really hard to take decent pics in there!

Day 89

Ahhh...i'm almost a week behind...tsk tsk on me. Sorry it really has been a crazy week! Anyway, here's the quick recap....

Friday, want to share this cute picture of Anthonne and I....I love this boy more then words and thankfully he loves me back. Although now a teenager, he still knows how to melt my heart.

Day 88

Okay sorry another pic of me, but i spoke to lamont earlier who told me how happy he was to see the pics of me on here. He went on and on about how much it brightened his day, sooo i took a few more today. I hope you love these too baby...I was a little more rested for these...lol. I love you!

Day 87

Today, another lazy day...lol. It started off as a pretty day and quickly turned into bad thunderstorms, so after picking Anthonne and Aly up from a sleepover they had last night, we came home and rested. I think I'm just a down mode lately so I want to lay around again, but I know there is way too much going on for me to do that. I have folders upon folders of work I need to complete!
So with that said, i'm off to work some more. This is a picture (although not great) of me in the Indy airport. I was a bit tired if you couldn't tell!

Day 86

Tuesday was spent cleaning the house and trying to get things back to normal, although normal is just a state of mind lately. I miss Lamont every second of everyday and I try to pretend that staying busy helps, and although it does to an extent..something small will happen that will trigger how much I truly miss him and then that hurt just overpowers me. Being away this weekend was great, but it truly made me feel alone. When I got to my hotel room and realized that I would be sleeping in this king sized bed by myself, i felt alone. When I arrived back in Norfolk and realized for the first time ever that I wouldn't be greeted by Lamont at the airport, I felt alone. I keep trying to focus on the positives....only about 3 more months before I see him again for his vacation, but it still hurts. It stings to see families together, when I start to feel like being a single mom is the norm for me. I just wish like with other difficult situations, that I could be handed a manual and told how to act, how to feel and how to cope...because what i'm doing at times doesn't seem to work. I just miss him and after almost 3 months of this and still so much more to go, i just want it to be over and i want my family back.