Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Day 86

Tuesday was spent cleaning the house and trying to get things back to normal, although normal is just a state of mind lately. I miss Lamont every second of everyday and I try to pretend that staying busy helps, and although it does to an extent..something small will happen that will trigger how much I truly miss him and then that hurt just overpowers me. Being away this weekend was great, but it truly made me feel alone. When I got to my hotel room and realized that I would be sleeping in this king sized bed by myself, i felt alone. When I arrived back in Norfolk and realized for the first time ever that I wouldn't be greeted by Lamont at the airport, I felt alone. I keep trying to focus on the positives....only about 3 more months before I see him again for his vacation, but it still hurts. It stings to see families together, when I start to feel like being a single mom is the norm for me. I just wish like with other difficult situations, that I could be handed a manual and told how to act, how to feel and how to cope...because what i'm doing at times doesn't seem to work. I just miss him and after almost 3 months of this and still so much more to go, i just want it to be over and i want my family back.

1 comment:

jazztam said...

I am feeling the exact same way you are! I definitely try and stay as busy as I can to prevent myself from having too much time to dwell on being sad- but like you sometimes the smallest thing will trigger the sadness in me.. I just have to let the emotions work as they do.. Hang in there!
BTW when is the next time you will be in SA- you need to take our family pix!