Day 130

Last week I heard a song that made me instantly think of Lamont and I just had to share it with him. I have to say that lately life has become increasingly hard. It's harder to find happiness in the simple things. I don't know if that's a result of something i've done or if i'm just being difficult but I am just having a hard time. I heard this song and it just broke me down. The song is called When it hurts, basically learning to love eachother through the pain. That is a difficult task. Just like faith in God, when things are good your love soars, and then through the tests and the pain you have to fight harder for that love. Then there are times when you are just done with the fighting, when you just don't want to fight so hard for happiness. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, i'm extrememly blessed with them and my career. But I am still feeling a loss everyday. I miss Lamont so much and I just miss feeling like a wife. I hate the hole that his absence leaves me with. Everyday when you are faced with always having to do things on your own, you just get a tough skin to get through it and over time it's hard to shed that. I don't want to distance myself from him, but sometimes it's the only way I know how to so that i don't feel the constant pain of missing him. This may all sound redundant, I know i've talked about it alot before. I'm just going through it right now and needed to vent. Thanks for listening....


Here is the song....it helps sometimes to listen to it and look at pictures of Lamont and remembering why I love him, why i'm sticking this out. I love him through all of this, and i know when he comes home the peices will fall back into place..