Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Day 148

The days seem to fly by lately. While that is good on one end, I feel like i've disconnected from alot of people who mean alot to me. Lately I really feel like i'm not attatched to myself anymore. I work, take care of the kids, take care of the house and try to sleep as much as I can. I miss so many of you and I'm so sorry if anyone has felt that I have pushed them aside. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer but the same sad, depressed me. It makes me really want to just hide away at home and wait for my old self to come back. For those of you who are reading this and feeling that this is for you, it is. It is my way of trying to apologize and hopefully get you to understand that I really don't want to lose any of you as friends. And most importantly to my husband who has also felt this way. I say alot that i'm just trying to get through this and I know that i'm not doing a good job at it alot of the times. I'm so sorry. I truly am. I am praying for strength and for help with my feelings. At times I feel depressed but almost like a functional depression. I don't feel sad all of the time, but I do feel tired, unmotivated and just have lost the desire for things that used to bring me so much happiness. I truly hope I have made sense to those who this is meant for. I love all of my friends who have been there for me, and I love my husband so much. I just wish I knew how to get through this and remain the same Lissa. Thank you so much for always standing by me and for your prayers. I have felt them and I appreciate them so much. Now for something that has brought me alot of happiness, my babies. This is a picture my neighbor took of Bella and it's just too cute for words.

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